Twilight Redux

June 22, 2010

Last night I was watching the REAL Twilight movie, not that dumb one they showed in theaters, and I thought, “I can’t believe I’m seeing this!  I’ve got to write a blog post and tell everyone, so they can watch it!”  So that’s what I am doing.

Only I was asleep.  I was dreaming.  You can’t.

I’m so, so, sorry for you!  See, it had That Same Guy in it, only he was a third better looking and a better actor times two.  And it had more emotional depth, but was also camp in just the right places, which is the only way to make a movie of a book that takes itself so seriously.  Bella had a sense of humor and a female friend, not just the airheads.  This movie wasn’t trying to be exactly like the book, and so wasn’t doomed to dissatisfy fans and scoffers alike.

You will be pleased to know Edward didn’t sparkle.  He could be burnt by the sun like a proper vampire–not spontaneous CGI combustion, which is just stupid.  Hyperspeed sunburn.  Painful but not instantly fatal.  There is this one scene?  Where he falls asleep on a plank bench in the shade by the Forks High ball field when he’s just fallen in love with Bella, and wakes up all happy and disoriented.  He springs from his bench and bursts into song.  Only the sun has come out while he was sleeping.  In the grip of his ecstatic ballad and leftover wooziness from his nap, Edward ends up staggering into the sun and and burning his arm while he sings, then struggling between the conflicting impulses to keep belting out his love for Bella, nurse his blistered arm, and run for cover.  It’s hilarious.

Twilight! The Musical: it was only a matter of time.

Sometimes the Forks High football team is the chorus, in a delightfully ever-so-understated queer way.  Their uniform colors are green and white.  I didn’t get to see any scenes with Joseph–but to make up for it, Bella goes to this church potluck with her sidekick friend who wears clunky eighties costume jewelry, and the church ladies sing over the casseroles and folding tables and the coffee that get served in styrofoam cups that fit into yellow and orange plastic holders with handles.  The vampires have to show up at the potluck too and be polite, which causes some social awkwardness.

Singing church potluck with vampires.

The thing is, Edward and Bella are determined to be married in twenty-four hours–I forget why–possibly in the church.  There are impediments.  Bella’s nice friend is the voice of reason against hasty marriage and tries to introduce her to the fun of wearing big white faceted plastic jewelry, in song.  The Forks football team chimes in.  And Bella has to read all her library books before she can get married.  There is a huge stack of them, which gets sung about.  She also needs to change into a new pair of blue jeans for the wedding.

This part takes place in the church social hall.  In the conflict over the bridal preparations there is a musical number where the church ladies playfully bundle Edward into his varnished plywood sleeping coffin, which is the traditional coffin shape of a stretched-out pentagon, but wide and roomy like a bed, with hinged doors and a porthole window on top.  They dance and sing and push him around a little on the shiny vinyl-tiled floor of the church social hall until gradually a note of menace enters the confusion.  Edward begins to look a little alarmed through the coffin’s porthole as if he has realized he can’t get out.  Suddenly, we understand that Greater Forces are out to thwart Edward’s and Bella’s marital bliss–not just library books.

I’ve been ill with a cold/flu thing for the past couple days.  It’s made my dreams terribly vivid.  (No, I’m not on drugs.) I almost never remember my dreams, and yet night-before-last I had one so intense it sent me to the internet’s equivalent of sleazy waterfront bars: dream symbol dictionaries.  I know they’re useless, but what can you do? (They have flashing ads for psychics, which I picture leaving trails of slug slime in my browser, and they never include the particular symbolic dream object you’re looking for.)  I’m feeling even rottener today.  Do you think that means I’ll get to dream the end of of the movie tonight?  Oh please oh please oh please…

I don’t think so either. Twilight! was the product of reading too many book blogs and watching an awful Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers movie right before I went to bed.  I don’t even like musicals; I just had a yen to see the famous scene where they dance on a fake Venetian verandah and Ginger’s wearing her marabou feather-scattering dress.  And the night before that I watched an episode of Fraggle Rock where you finally get to see where the Doozers live, and they show this wedding-like ceremony where young Doozers get their first work helmets and are essentially wedded to their construction work.  They sing a little call-and-response song, with a mad Doozer preacher in a tool belt and druid robe:  “Yes we do! Yes we do! Yes we really, really do!  Yes we really do!”

Which sounds cool, but was lame.  It wasn’t one of the good episodes.

My subconscious must have thought it had untapped potential.

Have you ever dreamed the movie of a book?

14 Responses to “Twilight Redux”

  1. Jenny said

    One time I was complaining to my sister that I have dreams about characters in other stories (books, films, TV shows), but I never ever ever dream of meeting the characters in the stories I write. And that night I dreamed that I met the two main characters in the story I was writing, except it was the film version of the story, and they were being played by two actors I really hate. It was like my subconscious slightly giving me the finger.

    I have never used a dream dictionary. I have always used my mother. She is wise and interprets everybody’s dreams like Joseph in the Bible – the only drawback to this skill is that sometimes people do not think about it before they tell her what they’ve dreamed, and then it’s awkward. Like once she had a guy tell her he dreamed that he learned how to fly? but he couldn’t do it if there were women around. :/

    • trapunto said

      That stings! Now I’m wondering which actors it was. Did you have better casting in mind? I remember hearing that Anne Rice had always pictured Rutger Hauer for Lestat, then got stuck with Tom Cruise, and by the time the movie was made Hauer would have been too old anyhow.

      Yikes! Keep Mumsy away from the porthole coffin and singing football team, please!

      I’m sure she is much better than dream dictionaries. The dictionaries are wimpy. They all sound like newspaper horoscopes. I expect someone cribbed most of the entries from the same Edwardian parlour-amusement book, fleshing out whatever was missing with New Age babble.

      The bit of dream I wanted interpreted from the previous night was much simpler and less silly than Twilight! The Musical. Just one little scene. Which was what made it so frustrating.

  2. zibilee said

    Oh, how I wish I could see this movie! It sounds just about perfect, and much better than what is really out there! I love those vivid dreams sometimes, although at other times they can get quite scary. I think they need to let users know that on the box. And also? I love the fact that someone out there still watches Fraggle Rock! I used to love me some Fraggles, and have a serious soft spot for the Doozers. They are just adorable. I must see if I can find out if it airs in my area still. I hope that you are feeling better soon, but please do report back if you have anymore of these fabulous dreams!!

    • Trapunto said

      I love me some fraggles too. Their allure began when I wasn’t allowed to watch them as I kid–I only saw part of a couple of episodes at a friends house, and I thought it must be the BEST SHOW. It didn’t occur to me until quite recently that dammit, I’m a grownup, and I can watch Fraggles whenever I want! The start of the first season was extra good.

      “I must see if I can find out if it airs in my area still.” –Der Mann and I watch them on Netflix View Instantly.

  3. bookgazing said

    Stage it! Make it your lifes work to see this musical come to life (oh pretty, pretty please – the bit about a song on why eighties jewellery is cool would be grand). It came to you in a dream, which is how Meyer says she got the idea for Twilight, so that is like a sign that you could make millions with this idea:) Then someone will make a film about you havign a dream in the same kind of style as ‘Field of Dreams’, except you would be asleep for a lot of the film. Who would play you in that film do you think?

    I never dream films sadly, but when I was younger I dreamt Heman episodes (actually just one repeated episode with bits added on at the end)and now when it’s really hot I tend to dream about Australian soap episodes.

  4. daphne said

    This is so awesome. I love it.

    I have very vivid dreams but I don’t think I’ve ever dreamed a musical. 🙂

    • trapunto said

      Daphne and Jodie: I should admit here that my dream sounds a little awesomer than it actually was. I more dreamed the fact of people singing than the actual songs. Or, they felt like songs, but I don’t have the music or libretto. I just knew what they were about. Dreams are weird.

      One of those mirrors facing each other ideas that just goes on and on. I like it, Jodie Although I don’t think any actors look like me. Somebody told them I remind them of Sister Wendy, but I think that is more my overall presence than my looks or voice–not having buckteeth or a lisp or a wimple or large glasses or a British accent. Plus, I don’t think she’d come out of the convent just for one role. Darn.

      I would be happy to dream a He-Man episode! Another show I wasn’t allowed to watch. And what about She-Ra? I am convinced I’d have been a better person if I’d been permitted to watch She-Ra in my formative years.

  5. Jeanne said

    This sounds like one of my daughter’s dreams, which she relates to us every morning in detail–they’re often musicals. She went through a period where she looked up symbols in those dream dictionaries but discovered what you said about them, that they’re “the equivalent of sleazy waterfront bars.”

    I’m with Jodie; I think you could make millions.

  6. Colleen said

    I have never dreamed the movie of a book, or anything even half as interesting as what you describe here. Can I come and live inside your head for awhile? It sounds infinitely more interesting than my own right now.

    • trapunto said

      Oh gosh. I’d have to tidy up first. Pick up the plates of cheese curls and wipe the muddy cat-prints off the toilet seats.

      I think your life sounds very interesting right now, actually.

  7. Care said

    How FUN is this!? love it. Hope you feel better soon but then again, I wouldn’t mind reading more about your crazy dreams.

    • trapunto said

      Thanks. Dangerous invitation. I dreamed a companion novel to Jane Eyre once, but I have a feeling it would have lost a lot in the telling. I thought most people find dreams boring? Anyhow, now I’m feeling better and my dreams are back to their amorphous norm.

  8. Jeanne said

    When I told my daughter about this, she said “oh, too late” and showed me this Twilight musical on YouTube: The first song of “part two” is the best one. (I had to put it on my “Twilight Commentary” sidebar.)

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